Life with Cassidy

There's good news and there's bad news....

The good news is that she loves cous cous. The bad news is that she refuses to let us feed her, so she was literally covered head to toe in the stuff!! She would grab fistfulls of it, and shove them into her mouth, which we thought was pretty coordinated, considering cous cous is just teeny grains of rice, and she actually ate a significant amount. She had it in her hair, up her nose, and down her diapers by the time she was finished! Eric actually laughed right along with me, which was very big of him, considering his need for cleanliness and order. When she was done, I wheeled her onto the deck in her high chair, stripped her down, and wiped her off! Then I cleaned off the high chair, which was a whole other event in and of itself, vaccumed the floor, and it was when I changed her diaper that I found even more cous cous!! All in all, it was pretty funny.
She's sooooo independant now! She just refuses to let us feed her, she MUST do it herself! Eric let me know this morning that she was really diggin the grapefruit he gave her. That made me feel really good. Apparantly she was actually licking the juice off of her fingers!! How cute!! We've committed to organic food, whole wheat grains, and no sugar for as long as humanly possible,so it was very encouraging to hear she liked grapefruit. I did feed her blackberries the other day, and they were a little bit sour, but since mommy was eating them, Cass had to eat them too! She wanted my chicken the other night, so I literally let her suck on a piece. She's still liking strawberries too, and hasn't had any weird allergic reactions to anything I've given her. She likes chewing on a toasted bagel, and eating whole wheat toast. I'll post again on Wednsday, after her 9 month check up. Can you believe it's already been 9 months!!!

Our poor baby has been experiencing night terrors. I found out about this phenomenon awhile ago, and I just can't believe that she's getting them this early in her life. It bums me out too, because I wonder what could be so scary to her? She always let's us know she's awake by crying, but there are those times where she'll wake up and just scream. I can't seem to get to her room fast enough! And she can't wake herself up, but at least she responds to our touch, and will settle down when we comfort her. I've been reading this really interesting website, (http://whilechildrensleep.homestead.com/index.html) about talking to babies and kids while they're sleeping, so I'm going to try this method and see if it helps with these night terrors. Here's an exeprt from this website:
"Today, I saw a little girl who will turn a year in two weeks' time.Her mother is worried that she may have some physical problems because since two months ago, she has been sobbing in her sleep for almost an hour several nights a week." The website is written by a pediatrician, and she suggested to this child's mother that she follow a particular script whispered in the child's ear while she slept. The child did stop sobbing in her sleep, after only a few nights of this "sleep talking." The basic format is as follows:
* a statement of LOVE. You may even tell him/her about actual events that made you realize how
much you value this child
* a statement of the problem. It should be in your simple words and may
include how you feel (I am worried) or what the reactions of people are (they are angry at you)
* a proposal for a solution (can you at least listen before you get upset or try to understand why we do certain things)
* an affirmation of your love for the child, as well as you willingness to help.

Now, of course there's no real problem we can identify that would lead to night terrors, and in fact they can be common in small children. So I've decided to modify the format somewhat, and for the problem statement, I'll say that I'm worried about her night terrors, and just reassure her that all is well and safe within her world. I do believe it's important to honor her innermost thoughts and feelings, and if scary dreams are necessary for her to process the world around her, then I'd imagine her subconscious will make the required adjustments. But if I can help ease her into a more peaceful sleep, heck, I'll try it! I'll keep you all posted!

More fun adventures...

Cassidy actually lost her voice yesterday! She's really been expressing herself verbally, and she does this sort of growl thing when she gets excited, and I'm pretty sure that's what's caused her voice to go. A little bit worrysome, and I want to make sure she's staying hydrated in this ungodly heat. I think she's just been excited over some new things she can do, like scooting around. She's very expressive, just like me, so when she accomplishes something, we all know it! I think that's great! I hope she'll always feel that she can express herself, whatever the feeling may be. It's so important to validate feelings, so she can learn to trust herself. I made sure to give her plenty of water last night, but she's still somewhat hoarse this morning. I have to admit, her little voice is so cute!
Found a great book yesterday; Sugar Free Toddlers. I'm really excited about this! Obviously I can't control everything she does, but right now I'd rather not expose her to processed sugar. I just really think it's toxic to a teeny tiny system. I'm off sugar right now, and I feel great, although it did take about two weeks to fully adjust. Eric and I were talking about her first birthday party, and we were both really appalled at the idea of her stuffing her face full of birthday cake.... a pound of sugar in a baby that only weighs 17 pounds is a little disconcerting. I don't think we want to be food nazi's, and we certainly don't want her to be excluded from situations where cookies and candy will be around, but our hope is that by encouraging healthy eating habits now, she won't develop a taste for the ultra sweet stuff. All we can do is serve healthy alternatives at home, and try not to make a big deal out of it, otherwise she'll just go nuts and try to get sweets whenever she can. I'm still buying exclusively organic and hormone free food for her, although she's still not really eating her finger food, but is starting to get the hang of it. I noticed that some things are harder for her to pick up; she's got the pincer grip down, but she can't quite pick up things like macaroni and cheese from her highchair tray. Too slippery and flat. I did come up with what I thought was an ingenious idea. I bought some popsicle molds from Tupperware, and I've frozen some apple/pear sauce in them. This allows her to hold the popsicle herself, but still gives her the nutrients from my purees! I think I'll try making a carrot popsicle next. I know, doesn't that sound gross? But she doesn't know the difference, and I think the cold feels really good on her teeth, especially in this hot weather.
She's getting really physical too. We really didn't know whether or not she'd crawl, but it's becoming clear that she is on the verge of crawling, literally any day now. She's got her little legs and arms in the right position, and she'll kind of bounce herself forward. She pinches and pulls at us too, which is funny because I think she's just wanting to get as tactile as possible. Of course it hurts when she pinches me or pulls my hair, but I know she's not doing it to be mean, I think she's just exploring new found motor skills on us. Last night was really funny. Eric was playing with her on the floor and she was actually trying to poke at his eyes! I was like, "Oh look honey, she's trying to claw your eyes out! Awwwww, she really is my daughter!" We both started cracking up! Eric was like, "Don't leave me alone with her!!" Ahhhh, the joys of full contact parenting!

Self Esteem and Body Image...

I've been putting alot of thought into this subject lately. I'm acutely aware of how body image can affect self esteem, especially in girls, and now that I have a daughter, I know I'm going to have to be very careful about how I present body image in this horribly consumerist society. Everywhere she's going to look, she'll see pictures of waifish girls and women represented as the standard in pop culture. And how I view my body, and present my body image to her, or in front of her will have a huge impact on her total understanding of her place in the world, as it relates to her physicality. I've already lectured Eric on the importance of not characterizing or judging people by their body types. Even seemingly benign comments can have a huge impact on a child. I myself went from a "skinny bag of bones" to a "lard butt" according to my dad. I remember once comparing myself to my cousin, saying to her father that my legs were "almost as long" as hers. "yes, but," he pointed out, "you've got this little flap of skin on the inside of your thighs that she doesn't have." That was probably the first time I became aware of my "sausage legs", and I was probably only 11 or maybe 12. My great aunt also called me "pleasantly plump" at the age of 12, and I'm sure I did look that way to her, especially as she was comparing me to my two cousins who were quite thin. (all three of us were in bathing suits swimming at the Russian River at the time.)
Now I'm sure all the comments made to me by these people were certainly not meant to be cruel or lower my self esteem, but they did have a significant impact on me. I recently saw a show on eating disorders, and a young girl said her problem started when her dad teased her about her "chipmunk cheeks." I'm sure that was more of a term of endearment in her dad's mind, but because of the twisted culture we live in, the poor girl actually took that to mean she was fat. Unbelievable! My pet name for Cassidy is "teeny tiny." Is that going to warp her too?
So my challenge is to try and present her with a balanced understanding of body image, while impressing upon her that people come in all shapes and sizes. If she were to come up to me and say, "mommy, am I fat?" my first reaction is going to be "NO!" But the danger in such an emphatic response is that it gives the perception that to be fat is something shameful. And let's face it; in this society it is! I don't agree with that paradigm, so again, how should I respond? I really don't know! The only thing I can think to do is encourage healthy eating patterns and lots of outdoor play and activity. I also will have to be her role model for body image, a HUGE task. Right now I'm on a diet, since I still need to lose about 20 lbs. I find myself berating my body, criticizing parts of it that don't look like I want them to. I just gave birth for crying out loud!! I should be praising my body's amazing ability produce such a beautiful and healthy child!
I don't have all the answers. All I know is that I've got to figure out a way to address this issue with her early, and make sure she feels a strong sense of self worth based on the totality of who she is. I don't want her parsing out bits and peices of herself to criticize. Which means that I too must realize my own self worth, and practice acceptance and compassion towards my body.

Daddy’s little girl, num-nums, and the breastfeeding blues…..

Boy, last night was a rude awakening! Let’s talk about Daddy’s little girl first. Now, I’ve been warned by a good friend of mine that kids will tend to gravitate toward one parent or the other at any given time, but with Cassidy, it’s been all about mommy. Until now. I got home yesterday and she was taking a nap, so I got the rare chance to actually take a shower. When she woke up I went in to get her, and she just sort of looked at me like, “hmmm…you again.” I didn’t really give it too much of a thought, but I did notice she wasn’t exactly jumping out of her skin to see me. Normally, I get a big smile and she’ll play with me straight away, but not yesterday. So I brought her out to the living room and started to play with her, and I swear, she looked like she was pretty much just tolerating me. She kept looking around like, "where's daddy?" Eric had gone running, and when he got home, you should have seen the HUGE smile she gave him!! It was like she’d been waiting her whole life for him to get home! Then after he went to take a shower, she got fussy so I tried to give her a bottle. She wouldn’t take it. Eric came out and offered to try. Oh yes, she took it from him no problem! I couldn’t believe it! I just sighed, put my head down and said, “I’ll be downstairs in case anybody needs me…..” Eric started laughing…. however I did not find it funny at all! She perked up later on, but I couldn’t believe it. Here, just a few weeks ago it was ALL about mommy. And now, I’m not even an occasional food source!

Speaking of food sources, in an attempt to see if we could re-bond, I actually offered her num-nums last night. It was really funny. I said “Well, let’s just see what her reaction is.” She wouldn’t even latch on! At first she kind of went for it, but then she backed off, cracked a huge smile, and looked at both of us like, “Are you kidding me? I’m sooooo over this!” I had to see the humor in it, but at the same time, I really miss nursing her. About a week after I stopped nursing, I got really depressed, possibly because all that groovy oxytocin quit flowing through my veins. I really miss that connection with her. I miss co sleeping, I miss her being just a teeny tiny, (she seems so big now!) and in general I just miss all the close, snuggly times with her. Eric gets all that now. She used to wake in our bed with daddy every day up until about a month ago, when she was able to get back to sleep in her own crib. And even now, if she wakes up early, Eric can snuggle down with her on the couch and she’ll cuddle and fall back asleep. Do you think she’ll do that with me?? Ohhhh nooo. My one Ace in the hole was nursing, and now even that’s gone. And I realize that kids bounce back and forth between parents, but it's really hard to take. So I'm going back to my attachment parenting roots: the sling!! I figure if I carry her around more, she'll realize that I truly am the coolest, right?... right?..........

for more resources on attachment parenting, check out Mothering Magazine site: http://www.mothering.com/

We're whipped.....

So yesterday, we tried a little tough love for the first time. Now, keep in mind, tough love at this stage is keeping a straight face while we're asking Cassidy to do something she doesn't want to. She hasn't been eating solid foods for a few days now, only wanting her bottle, and maybe a few cheerios, although most of them end up on the floor. So last night, Eric and I are eating dinner, and we're trying to get Cass to eat just a few bites of her carrots and oatmeal, but she keeps playing her cute little game of scrunching up her face, pursing her lips, and looking away each time I hold up the spoon for her. She closes her eyes when she does this too, which adds to the cuteness. We both had our hands on her high chair tray, and we put on our best stern faces. Eric said, "It's time to eat Cassidy." I offered her the carrots and she scrunched up her face. So I said, "No Cassidy, come on now, it's time to eat." No luck. So Eric tried again, and said in his best stern voice, "Cassidy. It's time to eat!" It was at that very moment we knew we were whipped. Cassidy looked at Eric, tipped her head, and gave him the cutest, funniest look. She put her head down and looked up with these big eyes at Eric, and I swear that look said, "Are you kidding me? "....... I had to put my head down so she wouldn't see me cracking up... I'm silently shaking with laughter, and Eric's still trying to say, "No, Cassidy, it's time to eat." but his voice is breaking up because he too is struggling not to laugh. We finally just gave it up and both started cracking up! That little girl just worked us!!!! Then she starts giggling, and we knew we'd lost! So, no carrots for her, but she did have her bottle and some veggie wheels that she can feed herself with.
And speaking of no solid foods....we got a visit from the baby diarrhea poo poo angel yesterday! She hasn't had a poop like this since she started eating solid foods. She was sitting down playing yesterday, and I noticed that her pants were falling off, so I went over to readjust them. I pulled them up, and walked away, but noticed a smell.....on my finger, where I'd pulled up her pants, was a teeny bit of poo poo!!! IIIICCCCKKKKK!!! It was at that moment, I knew I was in trouble. I washed my hands, checked out her bum bum, and sure enough, it had actually shot up ( and I still don't know how this is possible) out the top of her diaper, and started oozing onto the floor!!!! AAAAAAA!!! I'm happy to say, however, that I used a technique to change her that worked better than I thought. I had to lay her on her tummy on the changing table, then slowly remove her pants (yukky) and her shirt, (the bottom had poo poo on it) then I took her diaper off with her still on her tummy. After all was said and done, back into the bath she went! And she smiled the whole time!! I bet she felt good!! hahahahahaaa!!!!

The Sound of one hand clapping

Or two, as is the case now for Cass! She just learned how to clap yesterday, and it's so cute! Her little hands kind of come together, and even though she doesn't make any sound, it's very clear she's clapping just like us. We got a visit from Aunty Linda and Uncle Rich last night, but Cass wasn't feeling too hot. Actually, she was too hot, which added to her discomfort. I'm not sure what's going on, but she won't eat any food, only her bottle, and only a few bottles a day. I'm probably too much of a worry wart, and I should probably just go with it and let her be if she's happy. Who knows, I guess I'll just wait and see. Feel free to email me with advice!

Back from the Lake!

Just got back from the Lake, had a great time. Cassidy loved all the attention she got from her cousins and her grandma-what a ham!! She does this really cute little squinty-eye'd thing now, which is just beyond adorable. It started as her way of saying she was full and didn't want anymore food. Now she does it just to be cute! Poor little thing is still not crawling, and still no teeth, and I just discovered that I'm supposed to be feeding her way more stuff than I am. I've really prided myself on making all of her baby food, but now I'm reading that I should be feeding her more finger foods like macaroni and cheese, noodles, and whole peas. So of course now I'm going to have to figure out how to make organic mac and cheese!! Eric was like, "shouldn't we start with whole wheat noodles?" I had to laugh, but of course agreed with him! We were going to try and feed her some chicken last night, but couldn't find any that was hormone free......sooo...
Speaking of feeding, I had Eric stop in Ashland on the way home so I could buy some organic fruit to make some food for Cass, since it's nice and sunny in Southern Oregon, and the fruit is in season. So I made her a delicious combination of Fuji apples and D'Anjou pears yesterday, and she ate it straight out of the jar!! Hope she's not getting too much of a sweet tooth...That's all for now, but I'll keep updating. It's all about food right now!

The things we do....or almost do....

I almost licked my child the other day.That's right, licked her. But let me explain! I was giving her a dose of infant's advil, which is incredibly sticky and syrupy. Of course she didn't like the taste, so despite my best efforts, she spit a good portion of it out, which then proceeded to trickle down her chin and onto her neck...which meant that it would inevitably get into her hair, the carpet, her clothes... you get the picture. Now, being unprepared for this, I didn't have a washcloth handy, or even a paper towel, and when she's whimpering I really hate to get up and leave her. And that's when it actually crossed my mind to lick off the excess advil from her chin!! I have to admit, I thought that was pretty darn resourceful until I came to my senses and realized no one licks their child unless you're a wild animal!! Hahaahhaahaa!!! Ah yes, a day in the life.....
You'll be glad to know however that I did finally run and get a washcloth, and got her cleaned up. Her two bottom teeth are so close to popping through, I can't believe it hasn't happened already. I love how doctors always say there's no corellation between teething and a child running a fever, or having cold like symptoms. Her poor little teeny nose is so stuffed up that she can hardly breathe at night, which is waking her up. And then it'll get runny during the day, and her eyes will water. She may have allergies, but the symptoms may also have to do with teething. She's a real trooper I have to say. Don't think she gets that optimistic stoicism from me, although I was just like her as an infant and child. But today, forget it! I'd be complaining all day long if I had all those teeth popping through! But as usual,she's just amazing. Can't wait to get to the Lake to see all the family!