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Every day with my little one is a new experience, and a reminder of how sweet and simple life really is. Even with yukky diapers.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Self Esteem and Body Image...
I've been putting alot of thought into this subject lately. I'm acutely aware of how body image can affect self esteem, especially in girls, and now that I have a daughter, I know I'm going to have to be very careful about how I present body image in this horribly consumerist society. Everywhere she's going to look, she'll see pictures of waifish girls and women represented as the standard in pop culture. And how I view my body, and present my body image to her, or in front of her will have a huge impact on her total understanding of her place in the world, as it relates to her physicality. I've already lectured Eric on the importance of not characterizing or judging people by their body types. Even seemingly benign comments can have a huge impact on a child. I myself went from a "skinny bag of bones" to a "lard butt" according to my dad. I remember once comparing myself to my cousin, saying to her father that my legs were "almost as long" as hers. "yes, but," he pointed out, "you've got this little flap of skin on the inside of your thighs that she doesn't have." That was probably the first time I became aware of my "sausage legs", and I was probably only 11 or maybe 12. My great aunt also called me "pleasantly plump" at the age of 12, and I'm sure I did look that way to her, especially as she was comparing me to my two cousins who were quite thin. (all three of us were in bathing suits swimming at the Russian River at the time.)
Now I'm sure all the comments made to me by these people were certainly not meant to be cruel or lower my self esteem, but they did have a significant impact on me. I recently saw a show on eating disorders, and a young girl said her problem started when her dad teased her about her "chipmunk cheeks." I'm sure that was more of a term of endearment in her dad's mind, but because of the twisted culture we live in, the poor girl actually took that to mean she was fat. Unbelievable! My pet name for Cassidy is "teeny tiny." Is that going to warp her too?
So my challenge is to try and present her with a balanced understanding of body image, while impressing upon her that people come in all shapes and sizes. If she were to come up to me and say, "mommy, am I fat?" my first reaction is going to be "NO!" But the danger in such an emphatic response is that it gives the perception that to be fat is something shameful. And let's face it; in this society it is! I don't agree with that paradigm, so again, how should I respond? I really don't know! The only thing I can think to do is encourage healthy eating patterns and lots of outdoor play and activity. I also will have to be her role model for body image, a HUGE task. Right now I'm on a diet, since I still need to lose about 20 lbs. I find myself berating my body, criticizing parts of it that don't look like I want them to. I just gave birth for crying out loud!! I should be praising my body's amazing ability produce such a beautiful and healthy child!
I don't have all the answers. All I know is that I've got to figure out a way to address this issue with her early, and make sure she feels a strong sense of self worth based on the totality of who she is. I don't want her parsing out bits and peices of herself to criticize. Which means that I too must realize my own self worth, and practice acceptance and compassion towards my body.
I've been putting alot of thought into this subject lately. I'm acutely aware of how body image can affect self esteem, especially in girls, and now that I have a daughter, I know I'm going to have to be very careful about how I present body image in this horribly consumerist society. Everywhere she's going to look, she'll see pictures of waifish girls and women represented as the standard in pop culture. And how I view my body, and present my body image to her, or in front of her will have a huge impact on her total understanding of her place in the world, as it relates to her physicality. I've already lectured Eric on the importance of not characterizing or judging people by their body types. Even seemingly benign comments can have a huge impact on a child. I myself went from a "skinny bag of bones" to a "lard butt" according to my dad. I remember once comparing myself to my cousin, saying to her father that my legs were "almost as long" as hers. "yes, but," he pointed out, "you've got this little flap of skin on the inside of your thighs that she doesn't have." That was probably the first time I became aware of my "sausage legs", and I was probably only 11 or maybe 12. My great aunt also called me "pleasantly plump" at the age of 12, and I'm sure I did look that way to her, especially as she was comparing me to my two cousins who were quite thin. (all three of us were in bathing suits swimming at the Russian River at the time.)
Now I'm sure all the comments made to me by these people were certainly not meant to be cruel or lower my self esteem, but they did have a significant impact on me. I recently saw a show on eating disorders, and a young girl said her problem started when her dad teased her about her "chipmunk cheeks." I'm sure that was more of a term of endearment in her dad's mind, but because of the twisted culture we live in, the poor girl actually took that to mean she was fat. Unbelievable! My pet name for Cassidy is "teeny tiny." Is that going to warp her too?
So my challenge is to try and present her with a balanced understanding of body image, while impressing upon her that people come in all shapes and sizes. If she were to come up to me and say, "mommy, am I fat?" my first reaction is going to be "NO!" But the danger in such an emphatic response is that it gives the perception that to be fat is something shameful. And let's face it; in this society it is! I don't agree with that paradigm, so again, how should I respond? I really don't know! The only thing I can think to do is encourage healthy eating patterns and lots of outdoor play and activity. I also will have to be her role model for body image, a HUGE task. Right now I'm on a diet, since I still need to lose about 20 lbs. I find myself berating my body, criticizing parts of it that don't look like I want them to. I just gave birth for crying out loud!! I should be praising my body's amazing ability produce such a beautiful and healthy child!
I don't have all the answers. All I know is that I've got to figure out a way to address this issue with her early, and make sure she feels a strong sense of self worth based on the totality of who she is. I don't want her parsing out bits and peices of herself to criticize. Which means that I too must realize my own self worth, and practice acceptance and compassion towards my body.
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